Logged On and Tuned Out: A Non-techie’s Guide to Parenting a Tech-Savvy Generation
By Holly Case
Pumpernickel Parents© Review: Logged On and Tuned Out: A Nontechie’s Guide to Parenting a Tech-Savvy Generation
by Vicki Courtney
As a blogger since 2001, with my own MySpace page and iPod, I’ve never considered myself “non-techie.” Nonetheless, my tween and his peers are already far more engaged with technology than I was as a kid, and I want to be able to make sure that I am prepared for how this will affect him. I hoped that this book might be able to teach me something new that would help me navigate through these issues with my child.
Vicki Courtney’s book is aimed at a very specific audience: evangelical Christian parents with very little understanding of technology. Because I would not place myself in either demographic, much of the book was not relevant to my situation. However, there was still some valuable information.
While some parents might react to the headline-grabbing negatives of sites like MySpace or Facebook by placing an outright ban on them, Courtney does not advise this. In fact, she recommends that parents actually participate in MySpace, citing her own personal experience that once she got her own such account, her daughter added Mom to her MySpace “friends,” as did many of the daughter’s friends. Participating in this way gives parents more opportunities to learn more about their childrens’ lives because it allows parents to see who their kids are friends with, what kinds of values the friends may hold, and what kind of interests the kids may not be talking about at home. One parent in the book said that because of what she read on her child’s MySpace page, she got to learn a lot more about the social issues or emotional conflicts her child was experiencing. The central point here seems to be that as a parent, you stand far more to gain from letting your child participate in these social networking sites than if you ban them altogether, although little mention was made of the fact that it is possible for kids to have a secret account that their parents don’t know about. Ultimately, that’s a matter of trust between parent and child, regardless of whether such sites are banned or allowed with monitoring.
The book also points out some issues related to online conduct that seemed quite obvious, such as the reminder that one’s online activity can come back to haunt you later, like when photographs of underage drinking posted to Facebook resulted in student suspensions or partially-nude photographs hurt future careers. However, despite the fact that warnings against this behavior should seem obvious, the continued prevalence of inappropriate online behavior clearly shows that there are a number of young people who need the reminder.
Much of the overtly Christian content was irrelevant to me as a less religious reader, such as the advice that we should instruct our children to choose screen names that glorify God. Obviously the guideline that we should discourage our children from choosing screen names containing words like “pimp” has little to do with religious beliefs, but it is part of a bigger issue about the values of any particular family. I would wager a guess that most kids whose parents are also on MySpace or Facebook aren’t going to choose a risqué screen name anyway. In fact, in my own experience with these sites, few teens choose risqué screen names at all; far more important would be to monitor what pictures are being posted, which the book also advises.
Courtney advocates using technology, such as IM, as another means to keep track of our children. She suggests reading logs that track Internet usage and activity, which seems reasonable with younger teens. However, she also described the fact that she added her college-aged son to her IM buddy list and noticed that his ‘away’ message said “ultimate Frisbee” or “Guitar Hero,” which she used as an opportunity to ask if he was studying; after this comment from her, he changed his away message to say “at the library.” In my opinion, this is a sign of abusing the trust that may have been gained earlier in the teen years when the child first added Mom or Dad to their IM buddy list; even a financially dependent college student is still an adult who doesn’t want to feel like Mom is checking up on them. It’s a fine line between using the technology to keep up with your teen to help you be a more effective parent versus encouraging your child to become sneaky and secretive due to parental cyber-hovering.
For parents who are especially unfamiliar with the online world, particularly with social networking sites and instant messenging, this book may shed some light on what today’s kids are doing. It also offers a balance of cautions about these technologies with a discussion of what is good about them. Non-Christians and those of a more moderate variety might be put off by this book, but those techie neophytes looking to understand and monitor their childrens’ online activities and not averse to a fairly overt religious perspective may find something worthwhile in these pages.
Holly Case is a freelance writer and editor living in Michigan with her husband and three young sons. She writes most often about natural living and health issues, and is the newsletter editor for Natural Food Network.
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