The Wisecrack Warriors ‘Fab Six’ Take Lunch at ‘Fab Pho’ in Conroe

CONROE, TX -- I had the honor of attending a Veterans lunch recently at Fabulous Pho, which is located in the Montgomery Plaza Shopping Center, the same location as Academy Sports and Outdoors in Conroe, with the Vietnamese restaurant located in the nor-nor-west portion of the shopping area. The group of guys are part of the Lone Star Honor Flight Veterans Group, or 105, and they call themselves the ‘Wisecrack Warriors.’ Each member must submit a certain amount of wise-crackery to remain a vital member of the club. Witty commentary, sarcasm, or straight man comedic delivery abilities are required to be an active member of the group. Any form of laughter is permissible. To join, you must sign a blank document, of which text will be added later; then you must remain consistently funny for a certain length of time, all of it. Then after a probationary period, if you are not fired by Elon Musk, and if, and only if you satisfactorily meet the comedic requirements of the group; you will be asked to have a picture placed on the groups’ ‘Wall of Shame.’ If the group really likes you, they will attach the anatomical part of your body that you are actually missing to your picture. Note: They did not attach the over foot of small intestine that was resected during one of my ExLaps. You’ll have to read my column on the 25th anniversary of my cancer diagnosis to get the joke.

This column actually has food in it, and with Fabulous Pho, if it attracts the attention of Curtis Cole, the group's well-traveled traveler of Asia; and as for the rest of the group, we were volunteered for our southeast and southwest Asian excursions, where Pho was not on our menus. Camel burger? Anyone? Yes, Curtis is the AI guy in the group, who travels to Asia on business, and is usually the only fat white bald silver-bearded American in a room full of Chinese guys. He orders just like them, and they love him for it. He once asked AI to make him a new Fabio-like face, and AI responded “does not compute,” but his wife finds him handsome, and that’s what really matters. Vietnam Veteran Harry Yaw, was stuck on a hilltop late in the war, and when people ask him where he was hit, he always points to his butt. Rich Stevenson, also Vietnam, was in The Navy, and rumor has it he had a good time while in The Philippines on R&R. The only problem was, most guys had ‘great’ times. He must have been praying or something. The elder statesman of lunch, ‘Wild’ Bill Eustes, a retired Air Force Chaplain, who during Vietnam, served in Thailand, Laos, and who knows where else, except in Vietnam. Rumor has it he carried a Bible in one hand, and a captured German Walther P38 in the other. He was kind enough to say ‘Grace’ before we dug in for lunch. And lastly, Joe Tessari, a Desert Storm Veteran like myself. Tessari is a former Sheriff’s Deputy in California, and he founded the town of Eastvale, being one of its first mayors. Then he promptly left California about eight years ago, when the state started to smell, and not only from bad governance. Nowadays, Tessari is semi-retired, and is the Harriet Tubman, or Moses, of Californians who wish to escape from Newsom’s Nightmare to Montgomery County. Joe provides the safe houses and lantern signals for Californian’s to stay along the trail from California to Our Fair Promised Land, thus evading California repatriators. And of course, you know me, and there ain’t no sense in rehashing when you can just read my columns.

The first thing that our waitress Dung, pronounced ‘U,’ brought to our table were a few platters of clear rice-paper wrapped Pork Spring Rolls, filled with char-grilled crispy pork, rice noodles, and lettuce. Nice and tasty, the charred element of the pork added a pleasant character and texture to the spring roll. The accompanying peanut sauce just adds to the experience, and raises the level of the spring roll. I had two rolls, and had to limit myself, since I had ordered a bowl of Pho, or Fa, as it is properly pronounced in Vietnamese. Curtis had a Thai tea, which is brewed from Thai tea leaves, having sweetened condensed and evaporated milk added, along with Boba. Rich had a Vietnamese coffee, a strong offering from the grounds and sweetened condensed milk. Wild Bill had Lo Mein, which is a thick wheat noodle stir-fried with mixed veggies, and chicken. He doesn’t like charred anything anymore since it messes with his tummy, but he enjoyed it very much. Harvey ordered a Char-Grilled Pork plate with Rice, which is served with lettuce, cucumbers, tomatoes, and is dressed with a fish sauce. Rich had almost the same but with noodles, and these are big plates, easily capable for half to be taken for dinner.

The Pho dishes, the Eye Round Beef Steak & Beef Meatball Pho, which Curtis had, and the Eye Round Beef Steak Pho, which I ordered, were quite similar, and surprisingly, the meat is not thin as most Pho dishes are served with, and with the Hoisin and hot sauces added; along with the sprouts, cilantro, and jalapeños, it was spiced right and very tasty indeed. Curtis reminded me of chop stick stirring methods with the pho, and to always lay the chop sticks across the bowl, and to never allow the chop sticks to stand straight up and down in the bowl, which means ‘death,’ in the Pho language. Well, it’s not good, so don’t do it.

It was an enjoyable afternoon, taking an Italian two-hour lunch at a Pho restaurant. And that’s life, being able to enjoy time with friends, and just chatting about anything and everything, and we’ve all paid a price to get to this point, some more than others, but still we are glad, especially I am, to be alive. So if you ever get a chance to take in some Fa, Fabulous Pho in Conroe, is just your ticket for a little enjoyment of the Pho Life.

Their website is: fabulousphotx.com

Fabulous Pho is located at 1406 N Loop 336 W, Suite A, in Conroe.

My 25th Cancer Anniversary column: montgomerycountynews.net/the-th-anniversary-of-my-cancer-diagnosis-p12481-144.htm

Ruben can be reached at: ruben@montgomerycountynews.net

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